This was a surprisingly tough list to compile. Bad sequels may be a dime a dozen, but once you reach a certain degree of badness they all become similarly painful. It was a difficult exercise finding a way to rank movies that, honestly, are all about the same level of terrible. So what I’ve done here is to list the worst sequels of all time from most enjoyable to least enjoyable. #5 is a sequel that’s so bad it’s almost good. #1 is the ultimate stinker.
It should also be noted that while the worst movie of all time (according to the Internet Movie Database) is Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, I simply haven’t seen it, which is why it’s not making the list. In fact, there are a number of sequels that won’t be appearing on this list because I haven’t seen them. It’s a funny thing about bad sequels – you can usually tell they’re going to be bad at a glance. I didn’t even see Baby Geniuses part 1, so why would I see part 2? I’ve tried to include these notoriously bad sequels in my list of dishonorable mentions, but I’m sure I’ve missed a few.
So without further ado, I present the sequel to my last list. Look out! It’s…the Worst Sequels of All Time!
5. Troll 2
Many people refer to Troll 2 as the worst movie ever made, and it really is atrociously terrible, but watching it you can’t help but enjoy the ridiculousness of it all. From the goofy goblin costumes (there are no trolls in Troll 2) to the horrible lines (“Ya can’t piss on hospitality!”) to the utterly absurd excuse for a plot (vegetarian goblins will turn you into plants and then eat you), Troll 2 is actually pretty fun, and the fact that it has grown an impressive cult following is a testament to what a guilty pleasure this film can be. Oh my goooooooood!!!
4. Highlander 2: The Quickening
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbTATwUxiSI
The only thing dumber than casting Christopher Lambert as a Scotsman and Sean Connery as a Spaniard is to reveal that they’re both aliens anyway. The second film in the Highlander series does just that. While the first one is an enjoyable, Queen-scored, sword swinging epic of cheesy proportions, Highlander 2 completely undercuts the quality of the original (some would say there wasn’t much to begin with) by throwing in random science fiction elements like the aforementioned planet Zeist – or, as Connery calls it, “Zeissssht” – and villainous thugs with hang gliders who look like leftovers from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. There are just so many bad things about Highlander 2: The Quickening that it would take a full review to list them all. So for now, I’ll just say that it’s really stupid, but at least it’s mildly entertaining stupidity.
3. Son of the Mask
The Mask came out when I was in grade 6, and at the time I thought it was the best movie ever. I remember being excited to learn that there were plans to make a sequel in the works shortly after the original Mask did well at the box office, and visions of more Jim Carrey cartoony mayhem danced in my head. Unfortunately, it took them 11 years to finally get around to making the sequel, and by the time they did Jim Carrey had long since dropped out of the cast. One would think that the lack of Carrey, who basically made The Mask what it was, would dissuade the studios from pressing ahead with Son of the Mask. You would be wrong. Instead they made a movie that features Jamie Kennedy being showered in a firehose-like deluge of baby pee. Yep.
2. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
How do you make a good sequel to a film that’s based entirely around a gimmick? Well, one thing is for certain: you don’t remove the gimmick. Too bad Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 did just that! Whereas a large part of the original Blair Witch Project‘s terror stemmed from the ambiguousness surrounding its legitimacy (I hear some people still think the events of the film were real), Book of Shadows decided to just get rid of all that and try to make a horror movie in a more Hollywood style. It might have worked, too, had the film not been completely unnecessary and just generally a waste of time. It’s not even laughably bad, it’s just bad, and it’s quite the trial to watch the film in one sitting. It’s so bad, in fact, that I honestly can’t think of any stand-out stupid moments to highlight. I guess there’s that one part where you see a girl eating a dead owl, which then turns out to be a hallucination and she’s just eating chicken wings. But even that isn’t particularly noteworthy. Just avoid this movie, okay?
1. Any Direct-to-DVD Disney Sequel
As if it wasn’t bad enough that these pointless continuations of childhood favourites are tainting our fond memories of such classics as The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, and Lady and the Tramp, they’re just such blatant cash-grabs on the part of the Disney corporation. It’s obvious that little to no thought has gone into these bargain bin sequels, and they were made solely to cash in on the built-in fan base for the franchises they’re continuing. Disney always makes a big fuss about the quality of the family entertainment they produce, but these poke a big hole right through the corporation’s integrity. The worst offender is probably The Little Mermaid 2, wherein Ariel’s human daughter longs to become a mermaid and we’re treated to exactly the same story as the first film, just told in reverse. Not only are these movies cinematic sludge, but they make the top of this list because there are so damn many of them!
BONUS: Hercules II
Hercules II: The Adventures of Hercules is so bad that I totally forgot to include it on the original version of this list. Lou Ferrigno stars as Hercules, tasked with finding the lost thunderbolts of Zeus…or something like that. Honestly, this film doesn’t make any sense. The villain, King Minos, has an army of robots, there’s a magnetic spiderweb, and in the final climactic battle, both Hercules and Minos turn into cartoon versions of themselves…which then morph into a cartoon dinosaur and a cartoon gorilla, which then fight eachother in outer space. While this is an incredible twist that you’d never see coming had I not told you about it just now, it is definitely not worth watching the whole movie. The special effects are both dated and silly, the costumes look like they came from the dressing room of a poorly funded community theatre, and the less said about the acting, the better. A true cinematic turd.
Dishonorable Mentions:
– The Matrix: Reloaded
– Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
– A Nightmare on Elm Street 2
– Ocean’s Twelve
– The Fly 2
– Men In Black 2
– Transformers 2
– Mission: Impossible 2
– Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
– The Barbaric Beast of Boggy Creek, Part II
– Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace
– Basic Instinct 2
– Blues Brothers 2000
– The Sting 2
– Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde
– Caddyshack 2
– Weekend at Bernie’s 2
– Grease 2
– Speed 2: Cruise Control
– Cheaper by the Dozen 2
– Dr. Dolittle 2
– The Ring Two
– Look Who’s Talking Too
– Free willy 2
– My Girl 2
– AVP: Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
– Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd