Bad Movie/Bad Review: Nightmare at Noon (Death Street USA)

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Format: DVD
Running Time: 96 minutes
Year of release: 1988
Director: Nico Mastorakis
Production Studio: Omega Entertainment

When beginning to watch Death Nightmare at Noon Street, I had a moment of self-reflection, and certain obstacles to overcome.

The room in which I found myself was being occupied by ‘other people’, who were watching the first Transformers film (the shit one, not the animation) and I was continually distracted by Michael Bay’s retardity and Megan Fox’s tits. And that directors off-brand style of army-babble and loud bangs put me off balance enough to have to restart my own movie at least twice.

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Bad Movies/Bad Review: Hustler Squad

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Format: DVD (Modern Entertainment)
Running Time: 98 minutes
Year of release: 1976
Director: Cesar ‘Chat’ Gallardo
Production Studio: Crown International Pictures

Just breathe.

I can do this.

I feel an urge to begin this review with warnings written in all caps on red backgrounds, with the text hidden behind near impossible to solve captcha’s, and my home phone number at the end so I can personally apologise to anyone who reads it.

Urgh, God damn it, I’m already nervous and sweating.

Breathe. It’s fine.

Please, be warned that none of this turned out as I had expected, and that this movie would have been fucking hilarious if every character was male, and Hustler Squad was a feature-length gay porno.

But it’s not. So it isn’t.

None of this is ok.

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Review: Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events (Season 1, Episode 1)

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I, for one, was a casual fan of the film adaptation of the same name. Jim Carrey was capably madcap to be a chameleon thespian and the yarn was suitably morose and devilishly dark. The TV series aim to correct the condensation of the first movie by translating the first four books and expanding onto the others in later seasons.

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The Reviewinator: Patriots Day (2016)

The Boston Marathon bombing was a tragic act of terrorism that shook the world. The harrowing five-day nightmare was watched by millions, either by seeing it on the news or by following it on social media. Updates were frequent and kept people on the edge of their seats. It’s no secret that modern technology, cameras and cellphones in particular, are what helped police identify and ultimately subdue the bombers, which created a bond with the entire Boston community during such a terrible crisis.

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Shouts From the Back Row – Episode 275 – Looking Forward to 2017

A brand new year of movies has arrived, and it’s rife with possibilities! And…sequels. On this episode, Gill, Robin, and TK list their most anticipated movies of 2017, predict the movie that they think will be 2017’s worst, and hope against hope that the year is filled with better movies than 2016. Click here to download the episode!

Shouts From the Back Row’s theme music was composed and performed by Vince Nitro!

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Review: Taboo (Season 1, Episode 1)

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Sweep and grandeur is not something producer Ridley Scott is lacking in his production. Therefore, going into Taboo somewhat cold, I knew the overall scope of this miniseries would be unparalleled. Plus, he coaxed the notoriously selective Tom Hardy into a limited-run series which seemed like a tantalizing proposition. By all accounts, Taboo is a stupendous showcase for both men.

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Shouts From the Back Row – Episode 274 – Looking Back at 2016

2016 has come to a close, and so it’s time to honour the annual tradition of looking back on the year in cinema and picking our favourite films! On our first episode of the new year, Gill, Robin, and TK, discuss their favourite movies of 2016, pick the worst movies of the year, and give out the Golden Shout awards in categories we just made up. Plus – the start of a new Batshit Crazy Movie Countdown! It’s a huge show, so don’t hesitate: click here to download!

Shouts From the Back Row’s theme music was composed and performed by Vince Nitro!

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Runstedler’s DVD Pick of the Month: Hard Boiled

Yippee ki yay! ‘Tis the season for Die Hard, folks. But what’s ‘better than a dozen Die Hards’? Well, it’s John Woo’s 1992 film Hard Boiled (not a film about eggs), and this is saying a lot because the original Die Hard is one of the greatest action films of all time. Hard Boiled stars Chow Yun-Fat as a hard boiled cop nicknamed Tequila and Tony Leung Chiu-Wai as Alan, an undercover cop masking as a Triad, and it’s in the same vein as A Better Tomorrow and The Killer, but better. Woo really ups the ante for this – I mean, where else can you watch an epic thirty-minute shootout in a hospital? The choreography in this film is amazing. Apparently Woo really wanted to create his own Dirty Harry with this film, and while it isn’t Dirty Harry, you can see stylistic traces of it, and for me, Hard Boiled is so much more – ruthless, raw, gritty, compelling, and a visual feast of bullets and explosions. Woo’s trademark gun fu choreography is fully realised here – in one of my favourite scenes, Tequila slides down a banister firing two guns and demolishes everything in his path. It’s everything you want your action movie to be.

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The Reviewinator: Rogue One – A Star Wars Story (2016)

8 movies in, not including Episode VIII (or is it 10 movies in, if you include the Ewok movies?), and we get the first non-episodic Star Wars movie, taking place between Episodes IIIIV. While some may think of it as Episode 3.5, it’s more like 3.9 since it’s a direct prequel to A New Hope. With many Star Wars spin-offs planned for the foreseeable future, one can’t help but wonder how long it will be before this franchise starts to feel like episodes of a TV show that used to know what it was but doesn’t anymore. But we’re not there. Yet, at least. This is the story of the Death Star plans, a story fans have been curious about for decades. Just don’t expect a lot of lightsaber action or any mention of the name “Skywalker”. And don’t expect this to be the start of a new trilogy either. This is a standalone Star Wars movie. One might even call it…Rogue.

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Shouts From the Back Row – Episode 273 – The Christmas Movies We’d Never Seen

The holidays are here again, and what better way to celebrate than with some Christmas movies? On this episode, Gill, Robin, and TK have all decided to fill in the holes in their Christmas movie viewing libraries by each watching a Christmas film that they had never seen before. TK chose the classic Miracle on 34th Street, Robin selected the Michael Keaton CGI snowman movie Jack Frost, and Gill picked the Arnold Schwarzenegger slapstick disaster Jingle All The Way. Partake in some yuletide cheer and click here to download the episode!

Shouts From the Back Row’s theme music was composed and performed by Vince Nitro!

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