Last Link of the Day: Dammit It Feels Good To Be A Chap

The gangsta anthem of all well-dressed hipsters.

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The X-Files Miniseries Review (Episode 4 – Home Again)

With a title card like Home Again, fans can be forgiven for believing that this episode is a direct descendant of the iconic Season 4. Alas, there are no inbred brethren around for Mulder and Scully to play around with. But we wouldn’t be asinine to assume that there would be C.H.U.D.’s roaming around in the sewer during the urban rehousing project. As a treatise for the official’s disdain towards the homeless, it was pretty sanctimonious.

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The Reviewinator: The Revenant (2016)

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Leonardo DiCaprio. Or Di-CRAP-io, as I used to call him. Between Titanic and Inception, I avoided his movies like they were pregnant ex-girlfriends. Even the trailers seemed enough to get under my skin. And if he happened to be doing a southern accent, I wanted to claw my ears off like the bear in this movie. I suppose I should thank Christopher Nolan for seeing talent I clearly did not, because now one of my favorite DiCaprio performances is in Django Unchained (where he speaks in a – GASP! – southern accent!). But if ever there was a time where the old me could have lasted an entire movie on account of him having very little dialogue, then The Revenant is that movie.

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Before They Were Stars: Oscar Isaac in “All About the Benjamins”

After playing in theatres for several weeks and becoming the highest-grossing film of all time, Star Wars: The Force Awakens was finally knocked from its #1 spot at the box office by… the Ice Cube action-comedy, Ride Along 2?! Yeah, I don’t understand it either. But I suppose the whole thing’s somewhat poetic because Force Awakens cast member Oscar Isaac had one of his earliest film roles back in 2002 when he earned a bit part in another stupid Ice Cube action-comedy, All About the Benjamins. In this scene, the future Poe Dameron plays a photographer who is shot dead by the villain.

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Last Link of the Day: It’s poop!

To be fair, Sloppy Joes totally look like poop.

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What Goes Up Must Come Down

Was it wise to include that line from Jeff Goldblum in the trailer? Because it almost feels like he’s referring either to the Independence Day franchise, his career, or both. I’m presently undecided on Independence Day: Resurgence. The first film was ridiculous, so a ridiculous sequel would certainly fit alongside it. It’s possible that they’ll go way off the deep end with all the alien technology and alternate timeline of this…but it’s been a long time since Roland Emmerich did anything worth a damn. Some would say it’s been, oh, say, twenty years or so.

Independence Day: Resurgence comes out June 24, 2016.

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Become Stronger

Ooooh boy. Gods of Egypt is trying, guys. It’s really trying to make you think it won’t be crazy and terrible. It wants you to think that it’s going to be Leonidas vs. Jaime Lannister meets Stargate, and not about how ancient Egypt apparently has no Egyptians living there. It definitely doesn’t want to remind you of how much it looks like Clash of the Titans. But make no mistake – this is going to be a spectacular mess, and it’s coming whether we like it or not.

Gods of Egypt comes out February 26, 2016.

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Before They Were Stars: Mitch Pileggi in “Return of the Living Dead Part II”

As you might know, before he portrayed Walter Skinner on The X-Files, Mitch Pileggi was being groomed to be the next big horror movie star when Wes Craven cast him as serial killer Horace Pinker in his 1989 thriller, Shocker. Alas, Shocker proved to be so silly that all hopes of turning into a hit horror franchise faded away and Horace Pinker did not become the successor to Freddy Krueger. Anyway, a year beforehand, Pileggi had a brief brush with another popular horror franchise when he had a small role as an army sergeant in Return of the Living Dead Part II.

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Last Link of the Day: Scatman’s World

No offense, Scatman John, but “Scatland” doesn’t sound like a place I want to visit.

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Something’s Coming

I’m still surprised at how much more I’m looking forward to 10 Cloverfield Lane – a sort-of sequel to the found footage movie Cloverfield – than most of the other movies coming out this year. The trailers have been rather mysterious thus far, with only the barest bones of the story being told and everything else kept close to director Dan Trachtenberg’s chest. Mary Elizabeth Winstead gets into a car crash and wakes up in John Goodman’s bunker. But Goodman doesn’t want anyone to leave, and I’m guessing that’s because the outside world is full of kaiju…but that’s still just a guess. If I didn’t know anything about the first Cloverfield, this trailer would have me believing aliens are the threat, and frankly, I wouldn’t put it past J.J. Abrams to pull a fast one on us and switch to a new menace.  Anyway, the mystery with this one might not go as deep as the mystery surrounding the first Cloverfield movie, but damn, I’m really into this. Good thing I don’t have long to wait!

10 Cloverfield Lane comes out March 11, 2016.

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